Have you ever imagined how good it would be if you were a good influencer?
You are not alone.
Influence is power. Basically, influence is the skill of creating an impact on others decision, action, and thoughts.
We all want that people listen to us. We want to influence people to our own way to do anything we want.
Most people find it very difficult not because of a lack of talent or knowledge but because of a lack of proven technique, proper knowledge, and enough practices.
As you are reading this, it means that you are someone who wants to get better in influencing others.
But how do you get started?
But the fact is that even if you have found influencing others challenging, you can make it work, and I will show you how.
Let me take you through those specific techniques which changed many of the masterclass ways of influencing of any field as mine.
Tip: Make sure you have a pen and paper in your desk to note down the key point of the masterpiece.
Start With A Warm Smile
I am a serious guy and not smile much before I meet one of my school friends in college. He is a kind of introvert person in school and that’s why we are not that good friends.
But when I meet him in college after almost two years, he is totally a different person. He has a lot of friends around him and he is the most charming guy in his class.
I see him and ask myself, “Is that the same person?”
One day after college as I am so curious, I asked him “Your whole personality has improved, what is the secret?”
To be honest I expect a long and devastating answer but he shocked me by giving his answer in one word.
He said only one thing changed, my smile.
After that talk, I go home and do handful research on a smile. And here’s what I found. I practiced it for a month and believe me, everyone wants to talk to me and want my friendship.
Smile means don’t smile every time like a fool. There is a proper way of that.
Don’t spark an instant smile when you meet someone. Instead, look at the person’s face for a second, pause, and then let a big, warm smile flood over your face.
That flash second delay in your smile convinces people that your big smile is only for them.
By smiling you make the other person feel comfortable. It makes them feel that you are very excited about them and they become too.
It makes a great first impression on them and they perhaps hold your side for a long time.
Remember A Person’s Name
Almost every person loves to hear their name more than anything else. I see a lot of people doing things they don’t want to do to make their name popular.
Even I donate some amount to an organization so people know my name. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true.
Although you meet a lot of people in your whole life and it’s not easy to remember everyone’s name but if you put it in practice and do some work on yourself than this one habit will give you a huge reward.
It makes them feel important and special.
And as you remember their name, they would also remember your name and make each other feel important.
Make A Good Image First
You may hear this popular term, “your first image is your last image.”
And it’s totally true.
When someone meets you for the first time, they make an image of yours within a few seconds by observing your way of talking, your looks, dress, hairstyle, and everything.
It means you have only a few seconds in hand to create an unforgettable first image. And there is very little chance that they change their experience of your first impression in a whole lifetime.
In order to influence others to your way of thinking, the image plays a big role. It’s become very important that you have a good image and reputation on them.
Think for a while, A and B is your friend. They are going to start a business and they want to partnership with you.
‘A’ has a great reputation for you because of his good character.
‘B’ also has a great reputation on you but for his bad and fake character.
“Which offer you are going to accept?”
You are most likely to choose A’s offer.
Because there is less chance of being cheated.
So, what’s influenced you to accept A’s business?
It’s his image and reputation which outplayed ‘B’.
No matter how good you are or your idea or anything, if you don’t have a good image on others, they are not going to accept you.
But you may ask what happens when we meet with strangers?
How to create a good image when we don’t know the person?
Now, in this case, I don’t have an assured technique for you. But I can tell you that what I have done and what works for me for a long year.
Well, here I try to make a good impression first. Whenever I go to meet a new person, I do a little bit of research on them, ask people about them. I literally go to their social media profile and read about them.
It makes a picture in my mind of that person. It helps me a lot sometimes.
Now, when I meet that person, I simply use those two techniques which I discuss above.
The first five or ten minutes of the talk I don’t talk or act too much, I just stay steady and observe him.
How does he talk? how does he act? how he smiles and everything?
Then I simply copy his style. Now when he sees everything similar about us, he feels that we are the same and likeminded. And it creates a strong bond between us.
This is how I create a great image of mine in front of a new person.
Become Genuinely Interested In Other Person
People are not interested in you neither in me. They are only interested in themselves.
You have to do something different.
As Dale Carnegie said,
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Isn’t it deep?
This is the only way to create a long-lasting relationship with anyone.
If you genuinely like and care, people, they will also like you. That’s human nature. It may take some time.
Remembering a person’s name, ask them a question about themselves, encourage them to tell their story, talk about their interests, is a great way to make them feel that you are genuinely interested in them.
Remember, you should be hearty.
Never criticise, condemn or complain.
I repeat, never.
It’s very easy to criticize people for their little fault than understand why they do it.
As human beings, we like to criticize and condemn others because it boasts our emotional pleasure.
We live in a society where we were criticized again and again from a very young age and later on it’s become our habit.
Sometimes we set a very high standard for ourselves and others, and when results can’t match the standard, we start shouting and criticizing others as well as ourselves.
We like to change, regulate and improve others.
But why not start with ourselves?
As Confucious said,
“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.”
Instead of condemning and criticizing people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to ponder why they do what they do.
Instead of criticizing people, guide and mentor them, motivate them, give them sympathy to do better.
It will be more beneficial in the long term.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn or complain, and most fools do.”- Dale Carnegie
So, don’t criticize, you don’t know their story.
Give Honest And Sincere Appreciation
Appreciation is one of the most powerful techniques to win people.
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”– William James.
Do you know what is the deepest urge in human nature?
It’s the desire to be important.’
If people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually can do anything and everything to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest and sincere appreciation.
Everyone has something good and valuable in them. Instead of criticizing them for their fault let’s start to appreciate them for their good points.
Complaining is easy, that’s why most people do it. But to give honest appreciation you have to think about them deeply and have to find out what’s good in them.
We should never forget that everyone around us is human beings.
we can make use of it by knowing what encourages their feeling of importance and if we can give it to them then it will be the game for us.
People become 100% more productive under those superiors who encourage, motivate and appreciate their employees than those who complain about their employees every time.
People will listen to you and do something for you only when they want to do, not when you want them to do.
Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
Everyone is interested in what they want. Of course, you and me also.
The only way on earth to influence and persuade other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Most of the time we make it wrong.
If you want to stop someone from doing something, don’t preach at them and don’t talk about what you want, but show them what they may lose by doing that.
Henry Ford once said,
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Although everyone knows it, most of the time we forgot it and only think about what we want.
The world is full of those people who only think about themselves, about their dream and what they want.
There are very few people who can really think about other’s success or other’s want and serve unselfishly.
If you can become one of them then you have a huge advantage over that 90 % of people who only think about their want.
If you want to achieve your dream and desire then you have to combine it with others want, and they will eager to work with you.
Nowadays everyone wants to be their own boss.
No one wants to take orders.
You should give advice or suggestion instead of order. It works better.
When you give them a suggestion, they have the right to choose what’s good for them. All of us want to take control of our lives and our choices.
When you ask a question, you have a huge advantage over others.
You got the opportunity to know the person better, their likes and dislikes, their interest and hobbies, their passion and everything about them.
But you have to choose your question wisely.
Remember, only ask question about them as everyone cares about themselves, questions which encourage them, keep them motivated.
Give them options or choices.
Ask, ‘Do you think that would work?’
Instead of, ‘Do this or don’t do this.’
It will give them freedom.
The ratio should be 80/20. Let the other person lead the conversation. Ask a question and listen to them very carefully.
Be A Good Listener
Everyone is busy talking about themselves.
No one wants to listen to others.
That’s the thing, if you want to be a good communicator and influencer then you have to do something that no one is doing.
You have to Listen.
Sometimes ago I visit one of my childhood friends, who lived in a hostel. We almost talk for an hour and then I tell him about my regret for not attending the last book fair because of some reasons.
I tell him to share his experience in the book fair and what book he bought.
Any guess what happened next?
That kept him talking for 35 long minutes. He didn’t want to hear any of mine. He just gets going and going. All he needs is a listener.
Was he unusual? No. Many of us are like that.
So, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist and influencer, be a good listener.
To be interesting, be interested. Ask a question that another person will like answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their achievements.
Remember, that the people you are talking to are a thousand times more interested in themselves and their wants and needs than you and your wants and needs.
Think of that when you are going to start a conversation next time.
“The best way to win an argument is to avoid it” – Dale Carnegie.
You can’t win an argument. If you lose it, then you lose it. And if you win the argument, you still lose it.
Suppose you got him wrong and humiliated in front of others.
What will happen?
You may feel fine and amazing. But what about him? You made him feel inferior.
You have hurt his pride. Now he will resent your ovation.
“Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love, and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.”
Remember, you can measure the quality of a person by what makes him/her anger.
Don’t be so angry when you have heard something unexpected. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Listen to him. Don’t debate. Try to understand why he/she is saying what he is saying.
You may face those situations when someone is just shouting, maybe with a reason or without a reason. In that case, you should listen.
Because when two people yell at the same time, there is no communication. Just noise and bad vibration.
So it will be better to take a leave from there for some time. Then come back later when he/she will be in a good mood and talk to them about some other topic. It may be something that excites them or energizes them. And everything will be fine.
I apply this in my life and got some exciting results.
There is another way to win an argument and not losing the person.
Yes, you just have to agree with them.
Now you may say, ‘Really?’
And the answer is, ‘YES.’
Here it is. When someone is shouting at you, don’t shout back. Just take a few second pauses and agree with him, no matter he is wrong.
Say, yes you right.
Now, what happens when you do that?
He shouts at you and argues with you and suddenly you say, you are right. He will be shocked. Because he fights with you and you unexpectedly agree with him, now he has nothing to say.
Now as he stops talking, he is ready to listen, because you agree with him. Now you can say what you have to say.
So, The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Respect Other Person’s Opinion
It’s true that in life we admired some people most and some people a little less.
Other people’s opinion plays a big role in our life, as everyone’s perspective is different, we got different opinions.
“Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Dale Carnegie said never say, ‘you are wrong’ to them.”
You may often think that; someone’s opinion is different from you means he/she is wrong. It’s easy to think like that.
But difficult to understand that, everyone has a different point of view towards life. Maybe you both are right or both are wrong.
Asking the question is a great way to handle different opinions. Ask them why they believe what they believe. Listen to them. It’s not necessary that a different opinion is a wrong opinion.
They may be right. You should not judge anyone too quickly.
You must never say to the other person that, he/she is wrong, especially in front of others.
It will hurt their pride. They will start hating you and not respect your opinion also.
No one likes to be insulted, you must not be so straight forward all the time.
If you really want to help others to improve, ‘Encourage them.’
There is no person in the world who has not done anything wrong ever.
You have two choices in your hand.
Criticize and complain about what your family, employee and anyone you is surrounded with doing wrong. Tell them how stupid or dumb they are. They have no gift and they are zero at their work.
I appreciate everyone you are surrounded with for their good point. Encourage them to do things better, make the thing seems easy to do. Let the other person know that you have faith in their ability.
You will be miserable by seeing how encouragement increases the productivity of others.
Encouragement strengthens a person’s belief to reach their maximum potential.
As a leader, you are the biggest encouragement to your followers.
Leaders made by example. Your habits and actions set the standard for the others, and show them how it is done.
Talk About Your Own Mistake First
There is nothing wrong with doing a mistake, but it becomes a mistake when you don’t admit it.
I can remember a cricket match during my college days where I am playing with some school boys.
It’s the last over of the match and a boy around 14 years are at the crease with me, he is on strike. We are one hit away from winning.
It’s not a big deal. But it becomes very tense when he misses 3 consecutive balls. I started shouting at him for not connecting the bat on the ball.
And then suddenly I stopped myself and ask, ‘What am I doing?’
I am 5 years older than him; I am a lot more experienced and judgemental in these situations. But he is not as experienced as me, so it’s normal to be nervous in this situation.
As I understand I criticize him for the wrong reason, I went to him and try to make him relax. I encourage him and show belief in his ability.
And you know what, that boy won the match for us.
I saw a lot of fathers try to stop their child’s habit of smoking when they himself are a chain-smoker.
It’s our natural tendency to try to change others, give advice on things that we ourselves don’t believe can be possible.
And think for a second, “will you take advice from someone who doesn’t admit their own mistake and take responsibility for it?”
You can see on YouTube a lean guy teaches us how to be fit and gain muscle.
You idiot, do it for yourself first.
My point is that you have to take responsibility for your mistakes and have to admit it. Don’t blame others for their mistake when you yourself are not perfect.
This is how you can get the respect of others and win people to your side.
I hope this guide helped to realize that the skill of Influence is not optional anymore.
If you want massive success in your profession and day to day life you must work on these techniques.
Don’t worry if you commit tons of mistakes earlier.
Commit to getting start from now.
Let’s get prepare for the better tomorrow.
After reading this guide, how would you change your attitude towards others?